He’s begun to wiggle away from hugs, ignores you more frequently, and only wants Daddy to bathe him. Your toddler may be small but he sure knows how to confuse you, big-time!

When he was just a baby, all you had to do was smile, and he’d coo in happiness, smile back, or even let loose with some giggles. That’s all it took at that age to show his devotion and adoration for you. But now, your little guy is turning away from your kisses and going so far as to blurt out, “Go away Mommy”! Sure, you may have expected this at some point down the line, but so soon? The kid’s not even in preschool!

In a word, yes. Toddlers are just becoming aware of themselves as separate person from you. They are also beginning to understand that they have emotions that are different from yours. They are experimenting with all sorts of new social skills and part of this process involves testing the relationships that are most important to them. In other words, your little kid is growing up and pulling away or acting out at this age is developmentally appropriate behavior. So don’t take the brush off personally.

As they learn that they are different from you and their independence continues to grow, they start distinguishing what they want from what you want. Until this point, everything that you’ve done has been together, in tandem. Sleeping, feeding, bathing, playing, talking, visiting, and so on. During all of these activities, they have been highly dependent on you for their needs. When they start understanding that they can have needs that are separate from yours, they naturally start asserting their independence. They aren’t deliberately trying to push you away.

They are also trying to make sense of their independent needs, so they may not clearly understand what they want or need yet. Coming to terms with their own wants and needs will be part of their growth toward independence. Sometimes, he’ll want to revert to being totally dependent and need those reassurances that he can still count on your to be there. Other times, he’ll want to make sure you understand that he has his own feelings and desires.

Remember that the moods of toddlers change quickly and without warning, so you’ll be back in his good graces soon enough. In the meantime, don’t sulk or ignore the brush-off. Instead, be prepared to accept his mood and assure him that it’s perfectly ok for him not to feel huggy and kissy all the time.

Playing Favorites

Not long ago your daughter climbed onto your lap and begged you to read her favorite story repeatedly. Now she wants her Daddy. Only her Daddy.

What Gives? Kids at this age are learning to assert their preferences. When a child chooses one parent over the other, it’s just like she when she says she wants this flavor of ice cream and not that one, or one toy and not the other. It’s how she begins to take control of her environment. A toddler is still too young to understand how her actions may make another person feel, including hurting their feelings.

The Right Response. It’s OK for a child to favor one parent over the other. However, it is important that you make sure each of you is still spending quality time with her. You want to teach her that she has two parents to handle things in life. If she regularly only wants Daddy to feed her dinner, bathe her and tuck her into bed, you need to be clear about who will do what with her. You might tell her that Daddy is going to rest this evening and Mommy is going to put her to bed.

Resisting Affection

Snuggle time used to be your favorite time of the day together, but now your toddler is acting like hugging you is a form of torture.

What Gives? Now that he’s figuring out how to use his independence a little more, he may refuse your affection from time to time. Just because you are feeling huggy and kissy doesn’t mean he is feeling that same mood at the moment. Two and three year olds tend to get so absorbed in what they are doing that they can easily tune out everything and everyone else around them.

The Right Response. Time your snuggles around his busy little schedule, not when he’s in the middle of building a really cool tower of blocks. If he refuses your attempt for a smooch, let him know that it’s OK and that you’ll be ready for him to give you one when he feels like it.

We have to respect the boundaries of these little tots. Sometimes they are in the mood to sit on your lap and snuggle, other times, they have other things on their agenda. No matter. We know that they love us and they know that we feel the same about them!

Kat Hafen writes for many baby publications including HugaMonkey, which has baby slings, changing pads, baby carriers, and much more. Visit HugaMonkey to find the perfect item to help with your baby!

[tags]does my baby love me, why baby plays favorites, baby love[/tags]