The current state of the economy makes it more difficult for some couples who want to go their separate ways to follow through with a divorce. With the housing market at a bust and the national unemployment rate reaching a 25-year high, many couples believe that they simply cannot afford a divorce in this economy.

The New Challenges of Divorce

The family home is the most valuable asset owned by the majority of married couples. During a divorce, the court may award the home to one of the spouses, or the house may be sold with each spouse receiving a share of the profit. Or rather, this is what generally happens in a stable economy. But what happens when the home is worth less than what is owed on it? Or if the house has been on the market for months and just will not sell, and neither spouse can afford to keep it?

This is the situation in which many married people find themselves. Their most valuable asset is not worth what they invested in it, and breaking even may be the best they can hope for.

It is not just the family home that is devalued in today’s market. 401ks, mutual funds, bonds and other retirement savings have lost significant value. While economists believe these accounts eventually will rebound, this is of little comfort to couples who want a divorce now and not after the economy recovers.

The unemployment rate also creates obstacles for those contemplating divorce. Some spouses who have lost their jobs have decided to stay home and care for the children. This can help ease the burden of paying for childcare, especially on one income. But in a divorce, a spouse without a stable income could have problems proving to the court that he or she is best suited for primary custody of the children.

The high unemployment rate also makes it more difficult for spouses to find jobs with sustainable salaries that will allow them to live independently from one another. Some married couples are discovering that once their assets are divided between the two of them, there may not be enough left over to pay the couples’ debt, let alone to begin new, separate lives.

Staying in a Bad Marriage Does Not Have to Be the Only Option

No matter how bleak some couples’ situations may seem, the truth of the matter is that divorce does not stop for the economy. If someone is truly unhappy in a marriage, then they owe it to themselves and any children they may have to get out of a bad situation. This is particularly true if the couple has reached a point where they cannot be amicable with one another anymore. How can a couple who cannot be in the same room together contemplate remaining in a broken marriage?

There may be options available to help ease the financial burden of a divorce. For example, the couple may decide to file for bankruptcy before or after filing for divorce. Depending on the spouses’ financial circumstances, a Chapter 7 bankruptcy can help eliminate some of the consumer debt they have, such as credit card bills and car loans. If the couple is behind on their mortgage payments and facing foreclosure, they may be able to restructure the payments, either through their lender or through a Chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Spouses also may have the option of short selling their home rather than losing it to foreclosure. When a house is sold in a short sale, the lender will keep all of the proceeds from the sale and the homeowner’s mortgage debt will be considered paid in full, even if the lender received less in the sale than what was owed on the house.

Conclusion

Even though some couples may feel they cannot financially afford a divorce, the real question is whether they can emotionally afford not to get one. The economy will eventually recover, but it is going to take time. How many more months or years should a couple lose to a bad marriage? For more information on divorce options, it is best to contact an experienced family law attorney.

Reference: Richard J. Breibart

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The possibility of winning back your ex husband is not something that is so impossible even if you had your divorce. If you think you have made a wrong decision to divorce, it is never impossible to win back your ex husband, considering of course that he is not committed to anyone at present.

Before being so engrossed about how to win back your ex husband, you may want to spend a lot of time thinking about the reasons why you had the divorce and if you really want to forget everything to win him back. If you admit your faults and mistakes and you want to make up with it, then you have to at least plan how to win back your ex husband. Indeed, it may be a little difficult at first but you can also try to give yourselves another chance if you really feel the divorce was a mistake.

To win back your ex husband, here are some tips and ideas that may be of help in your goals of winning back the love of your ex husband.

Ponder if the idea of getting back is what you really want. If it is you who had been at fault that led the marriage to divorce, the steps to win back your ex husband may be a little easier, but if the reason of the divorce was your husband, make sure to ponder if getting back together would be a good idea.

Apologize if it was your mistake. Learning to accept your mistakes is a sign of strength and your ex husband would truly appreciate your apology. However, if you ask for forgiveness, do not keep on apologizing. Show him instead that you are sincere in your apologies.

Give him time to ponder for himself too. If you both have been into the stress of divorce, you might both want time for yourselves to relax and de-stress. Even if how much you miss the company of your ex-husband, do not be desperate to call him everyday and beg him to get back to you. The more you are desperate about something, the more it will elude you.

Enjoy the time you have for yourself and pamper yourself. Take care of yourself and instead of looking so desperate for your ex husband, try to give yourself a new look, something that will give you a more vibrant personality. Enjoy a hobby and strive to do good on it, go out and enjoy aerobics, yoga or a good sport and just take care of yourself. You can probably win back your ex husband with the same old you but you can also make it much easier if you let him see that you are a better person. This is one ingredient in attraction. If your ex-husband sees that you have managed everything without him, and you are becoming more attractive in his eyes, it may be the beginning of one more chance in the marriage.

After you have prepared yourself to become more attractive physically and emotionally, you also have to plan your meeting carefully. Planning is one of the main factors if you want to win back your ex husband. Plan out how to reach him and plan out what to talk to him. In planning, you will also be able to stay away from common mistakes that other women do in trying to win a lover back.

Carolyn Anderson wants to help especially to those who want to get back to their ex. To learn about winning your man back, check out How to Get Him Back. Also check out Getting Him Back, w where you can find proven strategies to win back your ex husband.

[tags]win back your ex,how to talk to your ex,win an ex back[/tags]

There seems to be a perception in our society that marriage is no longer a sacred commitment and getting a divorce is as routine a legal procedure as writing a will. But anyone who has actually been through a divorce knows that it is not an easy time in your life and the decision to finally part ways with your spouse is not made lightly.

Below you will find general information on filing for a divorce in California. For more information on your filing options, contact an experienced divorce attorney.

Residency Requirements

In order to obtain a divorce in California, you must meet the state’s residency requirements. At least one spouse must have lived in the state for 6 months and in the county where the divorce petition will be filed for 3 months immediately before filing the petition. One spouse (the petitioner) then must file the Petition for a Dissolution of Marriage with the Superior Court for the county in which he or she lives.

Grounds for the Divorce

California, like most states, is a no-fault divorce state, which means that the parties do not have to have a specific reason for filing for divorce. In the past, spouses had to list a specific reason for the divorce, such as adultery, extreme cruelty or conviction of a felony. However, under current law, the petitioner spouse need only note the ground for the divorce on the petition. Though there is more than one ground for divorce, the ground that will apply in virtually all cases is “irreconcilable differences.”

Uncontested vs. Contested Divorces

The length of time it takes to finalize a divorce depends on many factors, including whether the divorce is uncontested or contested. In an uncontested divorce, the spouses generally have come to an agreement before going to court about how their marital property and debt will be divided, how child custody, visitation and support payments will be handled and the amount of spousal support that will be paid. The spouses make required voluntary disclosures to one another of the value of their assets and property and any other information necessary to complete their divorce.

It is also considered an uncontested divorce if the other spouse cannot be located or fails to file a timely answer to the divorce petition. After the petitioner spouse has submitted the divorce petition to the court, the other spouse (the respondent spouse) generally has 30 days to file a response with the court. If the spouse does not file an answer during this time, the court may enter a default judgment for divorce against the respondent spouse, who then loses his or her right to contest the divorce.

Since the spouses are in agreement on the major issues in the divorce, uncontested divorces proceed through the court system much more quickly than contested divorces. However, just as with contested divorces, there is a mandatory 6-month wait between the time the petition for divorce is served and the time the court finalizes the divorce.

Not all couples are willing or able to come to an agreement on the terms of their divorce. In these cases, the divorce is considered a contested divorce. After filing the divorce petition, the attorneys representing each spouse usually request discovery of the other spouse’s financial documents and any other necessary information to complete the divorce. Once the discovery process is complete, the parties then will then enter settlement negotiations to attempt to achieve a mutual agreement. Most of the time spouses do come to agreement on most, if not all, of the terms of their dissolution. On those occasions when agreement on a particular term cannot be reached, the judge will ultimately resolve the dispute after a trial.

Summary Dissolutions

Some spouses may be able to apply for summary dissolution, which is basically a fast-track divorce. Summary dissolutions are only available to spouses who meet very specific criteria, including:

- They have been married for 5 years or less
- They do not have any children together
- They do not have any interest in real estate
- The value of their community property is less than $25,000
- The amount of their shared debt is less than $5000

Additionally, the parties must come to an agreement on how to divide the property they do own and any debts they may owe.

Spouses should not enter into a summary dissolution without carefully weighing their options. In exchange for using the simplified divorce process, they must give up certain legal rights that are available to spouses who use the traditional divorce process, including the right to appeal and the right to spousal support. An experienced family law attorney should be consulted before deciding to pursue a summary dissolution.

Hiring an Experienced Family Law Attorney

Whether you and your spouse have come to an agreement on the terms of your divorce or you anticipate that there will be significant disagreement over the most basic of issues, hiring the right lawyer to guide you through the process is the first step you should take.

Handling a divorce on your own without legal advice is never a good idea, even if the divorce seems clear-cut. There are many issues that come up during a divorce that you may not anticipate, such as the tax consequences of certain types of property and debt division. Divorces can be further complicated when spouses are less than forthcoming with one another and have hidden assets that should be considered as part of the marital estate. It is not uncommon for items that seemed to be non-issues at the start of the divorce to suddenly become hotly contested during settlement negotiations.

An attorney experienced in handling divorce cases can help you minimize the impact of any unanticipated issues, explain the consequences of your divorce settlement and help you get through the process as efficiently as possible so you can put this behind you and move forward with your life.

Reference: John S. Yohanan

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Anyone who has ever gone through a divorce will tell you that winning your child custody battle is one of the most difficult, time consuming and expensive parts of the process. However, it is also the most important since the physical and emotional well-being of your children depend on the outcome of the child custody schedule and child support amounts. Each parent deserves to be a part of their children’s lives and children need both parents, so it is vital that the child custody schedule is fair to all parties and takes these factors into consideration.

A lot of the money that is spent on expensive divorce cases is paid for having the lawyers draw up the child custody schedule. This can be a very time consuming process and since lawyers are paid by the hour, it can get really expensive. Fortunately, there is a software program that can help the parents draw up possible child custody schedules to submit to the court to save time and money. Many attorneys also find this tool helpful in handling the facts and figures that need to go into the child custody schedule so they can focus on other vital tasks and getting to court on time.

There are many factors that go into the determination that the judge will ultimately make about who will win child custody and how parenting time and child support will be handled. Most importantly, the courts try to determine what is in the best interest of the child. If neither parent is incompetent, the courts will want to see them each taking part in raising and nurturing the children and in giving them emotional and physical support.

One consideration in child support payment amounts is how much time is spent at the non-custodial parent’s home. Since the non-custodial parent contributes food, electricity, gas and so forth when the child is with them, spending more time together will not only strengthen the parent-child bond, it will also help to lower the child support payments.

Using a good child custody schedule software program is a great way to save time and money while helping to create a schedule that everyone can live with. Your relationship with your children is vital to their ability to grow up successfully and happily and will also give you a great deal of satisfaction and joy so be sure to protect your rights and the rights of your children.

Ray Subs highly recommends the child custody software program Custody X Change because he has seen the benefits first hand. Visit
Custody X Change
to learn more.

[tags]Child custody battle, child custody schedule, filing for child custody, win child custody, child cus[/tags]

If you find yourself considering divorce, make sure that you know about alimony, as being uninformed can be a costly mistake for all parties involved. Simply put, alimony is the ongoing cost one spouse must give the other as a result of the dissolution of their marriage. It can be decided by the courts during the divorce process or it can be mutually agreed upon during divorce mediation. Depending on the lifestyle either part was accustomed to, the length of time for these payments can be finite or life-long. Traditionally they were award to the wife who usually was not the ongoing breadwinner of the relationship but nowadays that is changing.

Historically, men were the main support for their families and woman traditionally maintained the household. As you all know, that has changed in the last 40 years. With woman becoming more and more equal in income and stature in the workforce and the world to men, the word alimony has also changed. It is now referred to as, “Maintenance,” and is now considered for either of the parties involved in the divorce. The overall monetary needs of the spouses are reviewed to see who has the greatest need for a, “Divorce Maintenance Accommodation (aka, “Maintenance”)

There are different types of alimonies or maintenances and it is crucial to know about all of them so you can decide what is indeed best for you and your spouse. Unlike in years past, a mandatory, permanent maintenance is only awarded or considered if one of the spouses is unable to gain employment after the marriage separation. The more common type of maintenance is, “Temporary alimony.” This type of maintenance is granted on the basis that the receiving spouse simply needs help in maintaining a certain quality of life throughout the divorce process. It has a targeted end date and does not continue on and on. One example would be a marriage separation where one spouse moves out of the house immediately without making provisions for paying household expenses like a mortgage or property maintenance. When this happens, a court-authorized award (Temporary Alimony) is given to the spouse who remains in the household, during the course of a marriage separation to allow him/her to recover and get their finances back in order.

Another type of alimony or maintenance that mediators or judges consider is, “Rehabilitative alimony. This is usually a maintenance sum with a range from a few months to a few years and is designed to help the spouse learn a new profession or learn a trade so they can gainful employment and become financially independent.

Finding the right lawyer or divorce mediator when dealing with decisions having to do with alimony or maintenance is important and when you find one specializing in this in your locality you can receive some powerful advice based on their prior knowledge and experiences. Following this advice is critical if you want your divorce or mediation procedures to culminate in a beneficial and fair settlement for you and your spouse.

Many people choose to use these types of services as ammunition against their spouse and although this may seem profitable, in the long run you may hurt yourself and your spouse. Therefore, it is best to make sure you find someone who is experienced, has valid references, and is someone you like and trust.

Some of the affiliations you should look into are those mediators that are accredited by national organizations, have experience in not just the mediation process but also the financial processes. A certified financial divorce mediator is the position of someone well versed in the finances of divorce.

In closing, always remember that no two divorces are alike. Always make sure you discuss your needs with a couple of divorce mediators and attorneys so you can find the best one for your situation. Every step you take during this critical time may or may not have implications in the outcome so be sure to protect your rights and talk to a professional.

Richard Barthallo knows that divorce is not the best answer for relationship problems. Alimony and maintenance costs can be financially devastating. Divorce mediation is a way to reduce costs when a relationship ends. Natalie Nelson is a trustworthy boulder divorce mediator

[tags]divorce mediation,marriage,alimony,maintenance,women,finances,family,custody[/tags]

If you are going through a divorce, then one of the main things on your mind is how much money you are spending on your divorce attorney fees. In fact, if my divorce clients are any indication, divorcing people think about how to save money on attorney fees almost constantly. And, in my divorce practice, we encourage this sort of thinking.

We’ve divorce a lot of people. And, we’ve noticed a trend - in fact, a word - that is attached to those people whose divorces cost them a lot more money in attorney fees than was really necessary.

What’s the word? Why. “Why” is the word. “Why” is the word that precedes irrelevant questions that result in lengthy - and expensive - conversations that solve nothing. So, said more accurately, avoiding the word “why” can save you thousands of dollars in divorce attorney fees.

Let’s take a look at questions that begin with “Why.” [You may be more familiar with the cousin of “Why,” which is “But why.”]

Questions that begin with “Why” are in fact, not questions at all, but statements of emotion. “Oh no, that can’t be so,” I hear you say. In fact, you’re probably saying to yourself right now, “Why is an age old question that indicates wisdom, and has been heralded since the days of Socrates. In fact, we have an entire teaching method called “the Socratic method” which is based on the word why.” Well, yes, that is true. But in the divorce context, it is a very expensive word.

Think of it this way: If you value the word “why” as an intellectual pursuit, that’s a good thing. But would you like to spend your divorce attorney fees on that irrelevant intellectual pursuit? Probably not. Probably, you’d rather spend your divorce attorney fees on accomplishing your divorce goals. And, the word “why” is a very expensive hurdle that keeps your from your divorce goals.

Let’s look at some examples of “Why” questions which are not actually questions, but are, at their heart, emotional statements.

1. “Why does my spouse get to destroy our marriage and then get rewarded with a boat-load of money?”

2. “Why does my spouse get an adjournment just because he/she wants to ruin my schedule, but when I ask for an adjournment, it gets denied?”

3. “Why do I have to fill out answers to all these questions when I know my spouse isn’t going to give real answers?”

4. “Why do I have to pay for a business valuation when I pay all the bills and my spouse is socking money away?”

All of these questions are really statements about the divorcing person’s feelings. It’s just that in the heat of the moment, you don’t realize that it’s your feelings that are prompting these questions. The dangerous thing about these questions is that they demand an answer. So, of course, your divorce attorney will give you an answer, but it will lead to an expensive circular discussion because the question really isn’t a question at all, so there can be no satisfactory answer.

Let’s take a look at the feelings (and thus, the statements) behind these “why” questions. All of these questions are really statements that the divorcing person is frustrated, angry and/or resentful with his/her spouse. It is very reasonable and expected that you might be frustrated, angry and/or resentful about your spouse. However, denying those feelings, or trying to get those feelings satisfied by a legal process (that is, the “why” question), is going to cause you more pain, increase your feelings of frustration, anger and resentment, and cost you a lot more money in divorce attorney fees that are really warranted.

How should you effectively deal with these feelings? By talking to a non-attorney professional, for example a therapist, a spiritual mentor, etc. The presence of feelings of frustration and resentment in a divorce attorney’s office is expected, but unbridled feelings that take the form of pseudo-logical questions and endless circular conversations are damaging and expensive.

The other major feelings behind those sample questions are the feelings of disappointment, betrayal and frustration that the justice system and/or the divorce process is not meeting your expectations. Divorce attorneys are used to being disappointed by the justice system. We’re accustomed to not getting justice from the calendar clerk, from the judge at a motion or at a trial, from the discovery process, etc. But, if you’re new to the workings of the justice system, you might just be experiencing a form of “shell shock.”

Again, the best thing you can do is to hear your attorney’s statements about what is going on in the divorce process, and when you have those feelings of frustration or disappointment come up, then rather than discuss and debate the rationale of it with your divorce attorney (at the cost of several hundred dollars per hour), see your therapist!

The smartest divorcing people - and those that save the most on their attorney fees - are those that use their money on their divorce attorney fees predominantly for relevant and productive legal work, accepting the imperfections and the sometimes irrationality of the process at face value, and spend very little of their attorney fee money on processing emotional issues. The smartest divorcing people save themselves thousands of dollars on unnecessary legal fees by choosing this path.

The others waste thousands of dollars on circular discussions that start with one word, “why.” They just don’t realize that their “why” questions are not a discussion of relevant legal work, but are truly statements of emotions that are best - i.e. less expensively and more adequately - addressed and resolved with a therapist, etc.

Now that you know the truth behind the “why” questions, you are well on your way to having a productive divorce process experience, and saving yourself from overspending on your divorce attorney fees. Next time you find yourself on the verge of saying “But why” to your divorce attorney, you’ll be aware enough to stop yourself, take a deep breath, say “Okay then,” and then call your therapist. Then, pat yourself on the back for saving several hundred dollars. While you’re at it, you might even go ahead and get that ice cream sundae or steak dinner as a reward for exercising your divorce-discipline-and-smarts muscle!

Theresa A. Markham, Esq. represents divorcing people in productive and effective ways in divorce court, and teaches them how to become wiser in the process. Her book, “Shark Bait - What Every Divorce Rookie Needs to Know” teaches the same thing (only without costing the average boat-load of billable hours!).

[tags]divorce,attorney fees,save,divorcing,attorney,feelings,why[/tags]

Of all the things that can end a marriage, infidelity is one of the biggest reasons. Extramarital affairs are a betrayal of all the things that marriage is supposed to be about. A marriage is supposed to be a union of two lives, two people bonded together for a lifetime, and breaking that bond is one of the most difficult things to over come.

In a marriage, infidelity isn’t just what happens as somebody begins a physical relationship outside of the marriage. Infidelity can also be emotional, when one of the partners in a marriage begins to share their life with someone outside the marriage.

This is identified as emotional infidelity, and it has become an even more serious dilemma in the last few decades. One of the reasons for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in present times, have become increasingly more mixed.

In addition to that it is even easier today to communicate with people Secretly. Email and instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people that you shouldn’t be bonding with. While this isn’t the cause of emotional infidelity, it is a factor.

At the same time, physical infidelity has also become easier. We spend more time apart than we in the past did, and it is not at all uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which gives us a very handy excuse when we make the decision to cheat in our marriage. Infidelity is a choice, make no mistake about that.

But the thing to remember is that all of these things are excuses and opportunities, not reasons. Changing the excuses won’t change the marriage, won’t solve anything. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome cheating in marriage. Infidelity is a Serious problem, but it is not an insurmountable one.

The very first thing you need to do is to Find out what went wrong in your marriage. Infidelity isn’t something that happens in a vacuum; there is always a reason when things like that happen. Something has broken in your relationship and it needs to be fixed in order to get past the cheating.

You need to make sure that you don’t blame the other person. Yes, they cheated on you. No, it wasn’t your fault. But you need to move past it, because playing the blame game will only delay the kind of emotional healing that needs to take place. You need to, as best you can, leave it all behind you.

Once you’ve found out why and began work on it, you need to reestablish the trust in the marriage. Infidelity destroys trust, and it’s going to be hard to repair what was been broken. You need to work on rebuilding the trust. Don’t expect it to happen right away, and don’t expect it to be easy.

But if you can follow these steps, you can save your marriage. Infidelity is terrible, but every relationship can be repaired. You just need to be willing to find the advice and the help you need to repair your relationship.

Mike Lea is an information researcher and he enjoy helping people writing about relationship problems and how to solve them. You can sign up to his weekly report at Making Up Tonight For more relationship articles: Blog

[tags]save marriage, infidelity,[/tags]

Every year, thousands of people decide to get a divorce. Unfortunately, very few of them have any real insight into the thunderous transformation that is about to unfold, despite their attempts to get advice from friends and family. It’s to be expected, given that most people who get divorced have never done it before - they’re divorce rookies.

So, what happens? Well, most divorce rookies will do their best with the knowledge that they do have, and in doing so, they will make the same mistakes that most other divorce rookies make. An insightful few will then seek out information and advice that will take them through a learning curve, and will complete it in enough time to finish the divorce race well.

Those insightful few are the lucky ones who will be able to avoid these common mistakes. The trick is to find out NOW, at the beginning of the divorce process, that there is a learning curve that will teach you how to go through the divorce process and the radical transformation with as little financial, time and emotional cost as possible.

So, here are the 7 common mistakes that divorce rookies make so that you can avoid them and become one of the insightful few that can have the most productive and effective divorce possible.

1. Divorce rookies ask “But why?” a lot.

Here are some examples, “But why do I have to pay alimony if my spouse is the one who caused and who wants the divorce?” “But why does my spouse get away with not filing financial papers and I am forced to complete all this stuff?” “But why does my spouse get away with lying when I have to be truthful?” “But why would the Court even think about giving my spouse what he/she wants after it hears what I have to say?”

All of these “but why” questions are really statements of emotion. The real statements of emotion are: “I am ANGRY that I have to pay alimony when I don’t even want this divorce.” “I am RESENTFUL that I have to fill out this paperwork and my spouse takes the lazy way out as usual.” “I am UPSET that my spouse is not held accountable for his/her lying.”

“But why” questions (and its cousin, “I just don’t understand why …”) are the cause of tens of thousands of unnecessary attorney fees. And, as there is never a good answer to a “but why” question (because it’s really a statement of emotion), the divorce client is never satisfied with the attorney’s given answer. And that means that the client continues to spend valuable emotional energy in the divorce litigation because the emotion is never resolved.

2. Divorce rookies are in denial that the big issue in the marriage will not get resolved in the divorce.

If the spouse was financially irresponsible during the marriage, then he/she is going to be rewarded for being financially irresponsible in the divorce. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. Here’s an example:

The future ex-spouse continually ran up tens of thousands of dollars on credit card debt despite your budget’s inability to handle it, and despite numerous pay-offs and credit card shredding episodes. Well, the existing debt is probably still going to get divided 50/50 (unless it was spent on gambling or on a paramour). And, the future ex-spouse is probably going to be given a lot more “slack” in getting their act together than the divorce rookie would like. And, the future ex-spouse is still going to get 50% of the house, despite the divorce rookie’s desire to get refunded the $50,000.00 of inheritance that was used to pay-off the credit card debt two years ago.

The divorce settlement or the divorce trial is just not going to “right” the “wrongs” that happened during the marriage.

3. Divorce rookies compare the settlement proposals against what they think is fair rather than what a judge will do at the end of trial.

In the end, there’s only one way to evaluate a divorce settlement proposal, and that is: “How does this settlement compare to what I will likely get at trial, given the expenditure of time, money and energy that is involved in getting that trial order?”

Any other divorce settlement evaluation formula is flawed, and is probably emotion-centered. So often, hundreds of dollars in attorney fees are spent getting a divorce client to shift their focus from being on their emotional responses to the divorce settlement proposal, to being on the likely trial outcome.

4. Divorce rookies focus their attention on what their future ex-spouse is doing and wants.

Thinking or saying these examples means that a divorce rookie is about to sabotage his/her own divorce process: “I just know he/she will never let me have that.” “He/she will hit the roof if I ask for that.” “You wouldn’t believe what he/she said/did this weekend!” “I can’t take my spouse’s refusal to negotiate anymore!”

On the other hand, when divorcing people focus on themselves and what they want, they’re in healthy, positive, constructive divorce process territory. For example, “Whether or not my spouse takes this divorce seriously is up to him/her. I’m going to work and focus on my plan.” It all gets back to the “Serenity Prayer” - do what’s in your control, and let go of the rest.

5. Divorce rookies can say what they DON’T want much easier than what they DO want.

Did the 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team (the one that beat the dominating, long-standing world champion USSR team to win the Olympic gold medal) focus on the USSR losing? Or, did they focus on the US winning? It’s the same principle.

A divorcing person needs to be able to articulate, and then envision and focus on, his/her ideal settlement picture. If all that fills a divorce rookie’s mind are statements and images of unwanted outcomes and fears, then he/she is sure to go around in circles until a clear image emerges.

6. Divorce rookies refuse to insert stress-busters into their lives (and the lives of their children).

Divorce is extremely stressful. But, so was the marital road that led to this divorce. So, that means that there’s been years of stress, and now there will be even greater stress. Given that fact, it makes sense that divorcing people need to insert stress-busters into their life, not only to survive, but in fact to get the best divorce resolution possible.

And, if children are involved, those children really haven’t seen their parents laugh in ages. So, start laughing around the children - and with them.

Divorce rookies that arm themselves with stress-busters are easy to spot. They’re the ones who have a divorce vision and plan, and are diligently and joyfully pursuing that vision and plan. They’re the ones that all the other divorce rookies are jealous of.

7. Divorce rookies say “I know this, BUT.”

Just like anything else, there is a path from the head to the heart and the muscles and thus, the habits. Someone can know something in intellectually, and still find it difficult to act on it. If someone is aware of these common mistakes and is practicing applying more constructive solutions, then all they need to do is keep practicing; this common mistake doesn’t apply to them.

This divorce rookie mistake is really about the divorcing person who refuses to embrace the legal and divorce transformation wisdom that they don’t want to hear. Somehow they believe their divorce settlement and post-divorce life will be better if they stay in denial.

In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. These are the divorce rookies who will spend the most money, get the settlement that really doesn’t help them move forward in their uniquely personal way, and end up being the most miserable.

Theresa A. Markham, Esq. is the author of Shark Bait - What Every Divorce Rookie Needs to Know ebook, and is a divorce attorney in NW NJ. She offers the eBook and other helpful divorce info at www.DivorceSharkBait.com.

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As divorce proliferates and deliberately destroys strong family foundations, various efforts and consensus are made by relationship experts, family care and welfare professionals and other concern individuals to battle and finally put a stop on this home wrecker. Rocky marriages need not tumble down and finally go to waste. A lot of things are at stake if failed relationships would again result to dysfunctional families and altered mode of family life.

Marital distress leading to divorce

Marriage is not always a bed of roses, not a piece of cake either. Marriage is more complex and deeper than you thought. Marriage is indeed one roller-coaster ride, so you better brace yourself and be ready for what is to come.

Here are some marital distress emotions that you may encounter in one period of your married life.

Devastation and depression. Couples, especially women who undergo post-natal depression and the like are prone to emotional and mood swings. These are very normal feelings yet most are unable to handle themselves leading eventually to divorce and separation.

Pessimism and hopelessness. Those who experience shaky relationships often lose their sense of happiness and trust. At times that they feel their relationships are falling apart, having a negative perspective could even cause and result to more damage. The more pessimism is nurtured, the higher the risk of losing all hope to save your marriage.

Anger and retaliation. Oftentimes anger is the last straw that causes all marriages to reach its dead end. Anger towards your spouse and unconsciously towards yourself will not leave any room for reconciliation and compromises to save a relationship, instead lead it to the edge.

Sure ways to stop divorce

Divorce is merely a circumstance and it could definitely be avoided and taken out of the picture when dealt with accordingly. Here are some ways on how to initiate the end of divorce in the scenario.

It must be a concerted effort. Marriage like love is a two-way traffic, even the other, it would definitely not go anywhere. Talk things out with your spouse, listen to each other’s side of the story and most importantly listen with an understanding heart.

Forgive. It takes two to tango, so whatever problem you might experience as a couple results from both your doings. No solutions would be possible if there is no place for forgiveness in your heart.

Compromise and settle. After you recognized and acknowledged the problem, find ways to solve and make amends for your relationship to work out. Come up with a consensus of what better things to do and do it with all sincerity and respect to one another.

Consult and seek help if necessary. Sometimes, it needs an outsider to objectively assess the real score between the two of you. It’s always helpful to seek professional help and counseling to really know what the problem is and what ought to be done to remedy.

Divorce should never be an end and only option in trying times of marriage. It’s really worth it if you do save your relationship and ensure a brighter and normal future for your kids’ sake.

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The new millennium is the dawning of so many different new and fresh perspectives, mindset and even practices which have total impact on the way and quality of life of a lot of people. Since we live in an interrelated web of relationships, whatever happens with one or two would definitely affect the rest of those around them. This is especially true with married couples and their ability and choices of staying married or staying out of each others lives forever. This single decision will affect their lives and the lives most especially of their children in a most life-changing way.

The impact of divorce

Divorce has been increasingly growing in the recent years and more countries and states are amending constitutions and laws to favor legalization of divorce in their jurisdiction. The effect of divorce is tremendously tangible in the morale and quality of life people experience in the society. Dysfunctional families resulting from failed marriages and failed relationships are haven of disturbed children and minors.

As the number of people coming from dysfunctional domestic settings increase, the percentage of juvenile delinquency and other minor-related misdemeanors likewise skyrocketed. Children in their growing up years ought to have proper guidance to shape their character that only parents could give. Without the parental figure to serve as role models, most young people are prone to peer pressure, bad influence and socially deviant attitudes. Divorce may not be seen on the forefront, but it definitely is the root of all these social and domestic adversities affecting all individuals one way or the other.

The causes of failed relationships and divorce

Marriage is a lifetime commitment from the moment you pledged your vows to the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. much to the ideal part of getting married like out of love and dedication to each other, some couples would find themselves tie the knot because of some other reasons like unwanted pregnancy, pressure from families and significant persons in your life, marrying for convenience and sheer financial security, rush and careless decisions and even mere escape from other predicaments bombarding your life for the moment. This imperfect side of the coin is somehow the dormant cause of failed relationships that would explode once triggered.

Why stop divorce and save your marriage?

Are you spending sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do to keep your marriage from falling apart? Or are you just figuring out what to do in order stop the difficulties your marriage is giving you in the first place? No matter what, the bottom line is your children are the focal victims of your divorce, thus saving your marriage is equivocal to saving your children’s lives forever. The truth remains that children blossom the most into productive adults when raised in a typical and normal family setting, not dysfunctional ones.

Divorce may indeed be rampant and damages lives more than you could ever imagine. However, there still remain a great percentage of people who believe in the sanctity of marriage. If you’d have the chance to stop divorce and save your marriage, wouldn’t you?

I realize that your time is very precious. I endeavor to provide you with useful information to help Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage Visit
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